Tainted Love

Sometimes it’s nice to date someone who has a job that gives you perks. Maybe your cuddlebear is a server and brings home awesome staff meals to share, or perhaps snugglewuggles works at the coolest clothing store and you can use his/her discount. If you’re not dating them because of the job perks, you’re probably not a terrible person. 

Once I went out with someone who had the potential of giving me a perk (that’s right, he had a job! which, according to my track record, is not part of my partner requirements), but it turned into a perk-gone-weird.

He worked for my cellular phone provider.

Firstly, the date was boring as hell. Sure, awkward conversation is normal, but we mostly talked about cell phones. Ok, we ONLY talked about cell phones. And moms. This guy loves moms.

After about 30 minutes of momtalk, I wanted to sneak out of the restaurant! Fortunately (I use this word loosely), the conversation shifted back to cell phones, cell phone plans, phone models, coverage areas…

And then, it venn diagrammed: a conversation entirely about my mom’s cell phone model and plan. Moms AND cell phones!

The only thing worse than the date itself? I couldn’t escape the guy. He called and texted with the speed of someone who does nothing but talk about phones all day. He called and texted from other phones, so many of them, that were at his disposal. It’s really too bad I wasn’t into him, because I never once thought, “why won’t he just pick up the phone?”

Needless to say, we are not in love. I’ve actually seen him around town, working the old, “so what plan does your mom have?” schtick to a woman whose eyes are glued on the door. My heart does not flutter.

Keep on smiling through the small talk, 

Bad Date Betty

p.s. Will someone please clue me in on how much of my personal information wireless folks can see? Are my sexts common knowledge? Does this mean I can only date out of my provider? Because I love those network-to-network minutes!