Running into an ex when you’re out with someone else… Ugh!
(Source: blackmanpushups)
Sometimes it’s hard to blog when I’m going on great dates. Do you know how quickly the readership drops off when we’re less cynical? Why can’t you guys get into some positive dating accounts?
… is the year of high standards
2012 is the year all of your friends are going to get married and have babies.
Are you going to latch onto the first person you meet to catch up or are you going to do something more interesting with your time?
2012 is the year of better dates with more interesting people who you can take home and take out and take to meet your mom.
You’re not going to get a bitter “single for the holidays” post out of me!
Avoiding the rushing between different families’ homes, no extra spending on gifts, and not having to stay awake or engaged in conversation with strangers is amazing.
I did receive a few extra online dating messages this year, full of the sweet “I’m visiting family in town and I’m lonely because I’m over 19 and single and I want to hang out with a girl and maybe fall in love beneath twinkling strands of lights before I turn around and go home and we half-heartedly text here and there afterward” hope. Oh and there are always the “hey do you want to hang out sometime which will, surprise, be the location of my family’s holiday party and you’ll need to pretend to know lots of things about me like we’ve been serious for awhile.” Juuuuust shoot me.
One such message was on OkCupid from a guy featured on my Top 10 Worst Dates of My Entire Life post! He obviously hasn’t even the tiniest inkling that we went out. I had a good laugh at how charming and silly his message might appear to others, but I know the truth behind that handsome face and disarming silly chatter.
I’m glad my OkC profile is a bit unrecognizable though, since it’s basically just one more site I ignore. The questions are fun to answer, but I’m so often matched with people who downright offend me (answers like “I’d never date outside of my race, homosexuality is evil, women shouldn’t hold jobs after having children”) that I have very little faith in it all.
Anyway, care to guess which number the guy is who was messaging me? I’ll send you some leftover Christmas cookies if you’re right.
Men who want to flirt with women have to realize: Women live in a state of continual vigilance about sexual safety. It’s like having a mild case of hay fever that never goes away. It’s not debilitating. You’re not weak. You’re not afraid. You just suck it up and get on with your life. It’s nothing that’s going to stop you from making discoveries, or climbing mountains, or falling in love. Sometimes you can almost forget about it. It doesn’t mean it’s not there, subtly sucking your energy. You learn to avoid situations that make it worse and seek out conditions that make it better.
If a female stranger is wary around you, it is not because she suspects you are a rapist, or that all men are rapists. It’s because a general level of circumspection is what vigilance requires. Don’t take it personally.
If this frustrates you, try to remember that women are blamed for lapsed vigilance. If a woman does get raped, everyone rushes to see where she let her guard down. Was she drinking? Was she alone? Was she wearing a short skirt? Did she go to a strange man’s room for coffee at 4am?
A woman must be seen to be vigilant as well as be vigilant. If she is deemed insufficiently vigilant, she will be at least partly blamed for any sexual violence that befalls her. If she’s regarded as downright reckless, that “evidence” can be used to completely exonerate her rapist. If it comes down to a he said/she said dispute over whether sex was consensual, as so many rape cases do, the dispute becomes a referendum on whether the woman seems like the sort of reckless person who would have sex with a stranger.
If a woman does go back to a strange man’s hotel room at 4am, even if she only wants a coffee and conversation, she’s more or less given him the power to rape her. No jury is going to believe she went up there for anything but sex. So, don’t be surprised if a stranger reacts badly to that suggestion.
Has anyone tried How About We yet? We love the layout, and it’s far more functional than those other sites (OkCupid, eHarmony, Match, etc.). Messaging is easy, questions are simple, and the message is clear: dates happen IRL, not online.
Today’s message from How About We:
When’s the last time you took internet “dating” into the realm of an actual face-to-face, physically in the same room DATE?
Cool website (via Christina)
When a man says he’s a cat person, I don’t think it gets better than that.
Looking back to a 2008 NY Times article on the subject, “single — and yes, heterosexual — men” admit their love for their pet cats. Gasp! Straight guys like cats even if it “might be considered a little weird.” The whole article is cracking me up!
Thankfully we’ve blasted forward a little over three years into The Age of The Cat, and now we cat people are downright sexy.
Anyone ever dump someone you’ve been seeing because they’re allergic to your pet? What if they just disliked your pet? You tell your stories, we’ll tell ours.
<3, TLL writers
(Source: cuteboyswithcats)
Break-Up Songs That Don’t Suck
Is your lover a freeloading commitmentphobe who loves living off of your hard-earned cash? Do you frequently pay for their broke friends’ meals without a word of thanks?
Channel a little Erykah, maybe even put on an armband and some kind of beautiful turban/hat/headscarf that you can’t really pull off like Miss Badu but it makes you feel powerful. Take back your shit, cut your losses, and make millions off of your own break up song.
They never deserved you.